My sister living in Montana once mailed porcupine quills to my children. I don’t know what she was thinking. The included handwritten note warned, “These are very sharp!” For anyone with kids, you know that note was interpreted by them to mean, “Touch me.”

And they did.

And they regretted it.

I threw those quills in the trash. Why? Because I touched them myself.

And I regretted it.

People porcupines, however, we cannot just throw away. Nor should we want to. People are precious, even when they are difficult to love. 

I once had a pastor tell me that I was “ouchy.” I knew exactly what he meant, so no offense was taken. Yeah, those difficult-to-love people? I was one of them.

Most of my own sharp quills came in the form of unaddressed pain. And just like touching the tip of a porcupine quill, hurt people hurt people; it just happens until … it happens until we decide to do something about it. 

I sought and found much inner healing for myself so that every word or action directed my way didn’t feel like I was being pricked by a porcupine quill, and I wasn’t pricking others with mine. In other words, I was no longer “ouchy.” Then, I was able to actively love the porcupine people around me. 

We were designed by the God of love, for love. Made to love, we are meant to add value to the lives of others. To love, no matter what, is the greatest life one can live. Even porcupine people merit our patience and love. 

The following are six ways we can love the porcupine people around us:

1. Appreciate their quirkiness.

Uniqueness is a gift from God, plain and simple. Who are we to question or criticize the idiosyncrasies of another? People simply living in the freedom they were designed to live in is a beautiful thing.

But all too often, that freedom is squashed. I remember one Sunday when I was five years old, and I decided to dress myself for church. I proudly walked out of my bedroom with a skirt over top of leggings, coupled with a totally mismatched shirt. I thought I looked great; my mother was appalled and promptly sent me back to my room to change. I was crushed. 

That day marked the beginning of my hiddenness. I no longer felt free to be me. My unique personality had been trampled on, and for the longest time, I didn’t step outside of the box when it came to fashion. (Ironically, how I was dressed then became all the rage years later. I guess I was ahead of my time!)

First impressions are a real thing. When we initially encounter someone, our default seems to be criticism. We need to stop that. Seriously. Like God-designed snowflakes, we are each individually and specially created. Those eccentric qualities? They’re built in by the Master Designer. Let’s not mess with them; let’s choose to embrace those qualities in one another instead.

Even if someone is vastly different from me, that doesn’t mean they’re unlovable or to be avoided. Pre-determining to accept the quirks and uniqueness in others is the first step to loving them as Christ does. When we make this conscious decision, we better equip ourselves for practicing patience for all people. 

2. Become a listener.

A porcupine person often perceives advice as criticism. Trust is often lacking. And any feedback, even positive, is usually received with suspicion. I’m speaking from experience here. 

I wasn’t “heard” as a child. Even today, I sometimes feel that people don’t really “get” me. As a previous porcupine, I often feel misunderstood. Because of my back story, I know how important it is for people to feel heard.

In fact, being heard and understood is one of the greatest needs we all have. Seneca, the ancient Roman philosopher, once penned these wise words: “One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” While not every porcupine person is a friend, they perhaps could be if we take the time to truly listen and understand where they’re coming from.

Listening is one of the greatest gifts of love that we can give to another person. People, especially porcupine people, don’t always want our advice or for us to “fix it.” They simply want someone to truly listen to them. 

Be willing to take the time to listen to another person’s story. In fact, ask them to share their story. And then listen. Truly listen. Listen with the heart of God—with love, empathy and compassion. Through listening, we begin to understand, and understanding fosters patience. 

3. Look for the hidden treasure.

Everyone is equipped by God with special giftings and talents. Precious gems aren’t visible on a surface level; they must be unearthed. 

I had a high school English teacher who called out the writer in me. I had never even considered a career as a writer until that moment. I liked to write and got good grades on my assignments, but that’s as far as that went in my mind until the day my teacher suggested that I seriously consider some sort of career that involved writing.

Porcupine people need to have their gifts and talents recognized; they won’t notice them on their own. Maybe the snarky checkout cashier is very fast at what she does … let her know you appreciate her efficiency. Perhaps your moody nephew is frequently seen doodling … tell him what a great artist he is. The customer who always comes into your workplace with a complaint could be told how well he pays attention to details.

To effectively love porcupine people, we need to notice their gifts and talents and call them out. Once these gifts and talents are recognized, those prickly quills just may become less noticeable and less trying for our patience.

4. Get involved.

Sometimes loving a porcupine requires that we get involved on a deeper level. It’s one thing to be kind to a stranger shooting quills at you and another thing altogether to develop a relationship with them.

Once upon a time, I felt the Lord wanted me to initiate a conversation with a young couple from the church we were attending. I hesitated. I knew that this conversation was to become more than just a one-time deal; God wanted my husband and me to develop a relationship with them. 

Knowing this couple’s home situation, I was hyper aware of the implications of an ongoing relationship, and honestly, watching a cat cough up a fur ball had more appeal. But I also knew love was never meant to be easier; love is meant to be truer. And so, I asked them over for pizza.

Getting involved with porcupine people is risky; there’s no denying that. But Christ chose to get involved with us, and thank goodness He did. In all honesty, we’re all porcupine people at some point in our lives; we need to remember that and proceed accordingly.

Loving porcupines requires vulnerability and a willingness to possibly be hurt in the process. Jesus gave all for us; can we not genuinely follow His loving footsteps when it comes to others? Let’s be willing to have patience for those who make us impatient, to love the unlovely.

5. Pray for them.

When Jesus was speaking to the crowd in Matthew 5:43–44 (NKJV), He said this: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Sounds to me like Jesus was telling us how to love porcupine people.

I once had a porcupine family member, and it was very difficult to love this person. But the whole situation was affecting me negatively, and I wanted to be free. So, I not only forgave him for the wrong things he said about me, but I also began to pray for him and speak life and blessings over him. 

And here’s the most amazing part: I actually began to feel love for this person. At first, I was just going through the motions in obedience to God’s Word. But the more I prayed for this porcupine, the more I was able to genuinely love the person. 

6. Love as God loves.

We hear of God’s unconditional love and may think, “Well, He’s God, so of course He can love people unconditionally.” Yes and no. When Jesus walked this earth, He did so as a human. Jesus was able to love the unlovable because He only did what the Father did. And the Father loves all unconditionally.

God loves without judgment. I know experientially that porcupine people constantly feel judged. Much of that judgment is self-condemnation; nonetheless, the judgment is present. We may not always agree with a person’s choices or lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean we have to judge them. 

When we love as God loves, porcupine people will see the difference. The world’s love is conditional and lacking on several levels. But God’s love is pure, genuine and undeniable. When porcupine people experience the love of God, those quills will no longer hurt themselves or other people.

This article was originally titled “Loving Porcupines” in the August 2024 issue of The War Cry.